Saturday, March 19, 2011

I can already imagine him...

I can already imagine him with his little fuzzy head and tiny body. I can already imagine him wrapped in a sling and stuck to my body, snoozing away. I can already imagine how he will look, lying next to us in the crib. I can already imagine how our 3yo will react, being a bit jealous but curious. I can already imagine feeding him, with either an SNS or a bottle, and him looking up at me with big brown eyes and puffy dark lips. I can already imagine our other children holding him. I can already imagine his first smile, his first giggle. I can already imagine daddy throwing him up in the air and catching him. I long to hold him, to kiss him, to lay my cheek on his soft head.

I can't believe this day is finally coming. The day I have worked so hard for sitting here on the computer researching, emailing, creating a profile, getting an amended home study done, asking question after question to new friends who have adopted, setting up fundraisers, finding out information on state and federal subsidy, filling out grant applications. The list goes on. It's all worth it, though! I'd like to say I really believed it would be...

But...I didn't. I didn't even buy any baby things, because I thought that would get my hopes up too high. Part of me thought, "This probably won't happen for us," but it is! Lord willing...

We still have a couple more details to get through: The final approval of our grant (the organization said we shouldn't have any trouble) and the birth mom going to court to turn over her rights (again, shouldn't be any trouble). Then, we just wait for interstate approval and we're off on the 1,000 mile drive to pick him up!

We already have a name for him, too. Joshua. My husband has been wanting to name a boy that for years, and I kept deterring him. This time, I let him have his way. ;o) He's asked me to pick a middle name. I'm partial to Joshua Daniel, but I'm not sure yet.

I have so much to do! I started a list last night on paper and pretty much filled it up! It's going to be fun, though, doing all of that preparing. The only "bleh" is the long drive. Long drives exhaust me. Even one hour of driving wipes me out. I don't know. I'm just that way.

I've had to apologize to God on this one. About two weeks ago, when we were pretty sure we were adopting a baby girl and then it didn't happen, I started to doubt God's calling. Shame on me. I remember, during that time of waiting regarding that baby girl, thinking, "This might not be it...this might be His way of preparing us for someone else coming soon." Ha. Isn't it funny how we sometimes excuse away the still small voice of the Holy Spirit? How we push Him aside like that? Deep down I knew, but I brushed it aside.

Please pray. Please pray that our grant will be approved and will indeed cover all of the agency expense that we can NOT afford. Please pray that we get our baby boy soon. Please pray that everything keeps falling into place like one giant puzzle. Please pray that we are kept safe on our travel. Please pray for baby boy, that he will keep eating well and will stay healthy and stable. Pray for his agency sponsor home that he will be going to when he is checked out of the hospital, that they will love him and take good care of him until we arrive. And, please pray for the birth mom. She's only 18. I have no idea what she is feeling. She had no prenatal care. She doesn't want to meet us. She didn't want to view any family profiles. It sounds like she just wanted to get on with her life. She came in, had her baby, and checked out the next day. Perhaps she is hurting. We're going to let the agency know that, if she requests in the future, we are willing to share photos and information on how he is doing.

Well, I had better get on with this day. I have cleaning, planning, and much reading to do on how to care for baby boy. :o)

1 comment:

  1. God bless you and your family Tracey. I have a Daniel who is 5 months old, so I'm voting for Joshua Daniel as the perfect name for your son. I cried reading your blog too.

    I fed my 2nd child with a SNS until I got my milk supply built up - including finger feeding. I was told this baby (I'm 44 now) had soft markers for Down syndome, so I read up on how to feed him in case he had difficulties feeding at the breast. He has no extra anything, but I can't imagine all the babies who have nobody to love them because they have extra chromosomes and challenges.