I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a month! It's been a rough two months, though, for various reasons.
I won't get too into it, but I was getting very emotional about the whole Reece's Rainbow thing. I even had to stop getting the email notifications for the yahoo group. I was turning to things I shouldn't have for comfort...very temporarily...but that's over now. I snapped out of that.
It's still very upsetting. I was peeking at some posts last night and getting all upset again. I prayed a LOT about it last night though, asking God WHY he would put this burden on my heart to go and rescue some of those precious babies from death if my husband wasn't on board? It feels unfair. However, I feel that perhaps God is just telling me, "Not yet...hold on..." as far as Reece's Rainbow goes. I think my husband is just a bit afraid of something THAT BIG...so am I! However, I am like a racehorse at the starting gate...I'd go for it if God would just open that gate.
I am thankful for so many things, though: My husband is very open and willing to adopt a child with Down syndrome here domestically. He has also given me the go ahead to start filling out applications for grants and/or interest-free loans in case we need them (can you say, I have a LOT of paperwork to fill out?!). I've found a non-profit agency that I think we will be working with, and I'm going to be speaking to an area adoption lawyer next week about what her costs are.
So, on I go. I keep telling myself that adopting in the U.S. is needed, too...that MANY babies are being saved that have Down syndrome via adoption. But...then I read about babies like Masha (above photo), who is HOURS or DAYS away from being transferred to an institution where she will be strapped to a bed...SUFFER and DIE (YES!!! REALLY!!! DIE!!! THAT SWEET LITTLE 4YO GIRL!!!) just because she can't walk yet...just because she has water building up in her brain...just because she is disabled AT NO FAULT OF HER OWN...and I am right back where I was...screaming inside: "THESE CHILDREN ARE SUFFERING! THESE CHILDREN ARE DYING! THERE'S A WAITING LIST IN THE U.S. FOR THESE BABIES, BUT OVER THERE...THEY'RE WAITING FOR US...WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE THEM...AND THEY ARE DYING!!!"
For now, I will advocate for those babies. Someday...SOMEDAY...I will be one of the lucky ones that gets to go and save some. Someday...but but it will not be this day. I can only hope and pray that one of YOU will read this feel led to save her or one of the other thousands that have no one.
"Sigh...just hold on, Tracey, it will be fine. One step at a time. Go fill out those applications. Take your daughter and her friend to that basketball game. Brush the boys' teeth. Prepare next week's homeschool stuff. Vacuum and clean the floors. Smooch on those cute kiddos you have. Get ready, because you have 3 young girls spending the night tonight for your 15yo daughter's sleepover. Have fun!"
You know what? I think I will. ;o)