Friday, February 25, 2011
Lyrics | Third Day lyrics - Revelation lyrics
In the past 24 hours I've gone from being calm, cool, and reserved about this baby girl we will be presented to in a few days as a possible family for her child...to crying my eyes out wanting a chance to be her mommy. Oops. :o)
Yesterday I received her medical information. I have a name now. Oh no...don't tell me her name! Now it's personal! Now I imagine her. She will definitely need heart surgery in the next few months. Oh no...don't tell me that! Now I want to take care of her! I want to stay the night in the hospital with her and rock her.
So, yeah, I'm a little more involved now. But still, I would be alright if the birth mom chose someone else. I really want God's will here. Really. Believe it or not.
Now, here is what really has me crying...
Yesterday I really started feeling that this would be impossible. I started thinking about how we would have to have $5,000 just to bring her home. "No way," was what I kept thinking over and over. Then, I remembered. I remembered who was on my side. I remembered you, Lord...and I prayed. "Lord, if you want this baby girl to grow up with us...then You're gonna have to to move what seem to me like mountains here. I will take her, if You wish, but I need Your help."
As I announced my desperation on Facebook, not really meaning for anything to come of it except prayer (which, of course, matters!!!)...the money started coming in. People started encouraging me. Wow!
Then, I got an email from a place we filled out a grant application with and she told me that as soon as we get our home study amended and a few reference letters completed...that the agency could have our money within two weeks! WHAT?!!!
Then, my husband came home from work...and I told him that we would have to travel for about 1-2 weeks to pick her up. I told him about her, so that it would be more personal with him, too. I could tell it was touching him. But...he said that he couldn't take time off. I was devastated, but didn't let on. I didn't want to beg him. Chet has some time off coming, but he wants to save it in case he has to have back surgery. Long story. I understood. I wasn't about to lecture him about trusting God and going for it anyway because God will take care of us...even if he needs surgery. He asked me to ask the agency if both of us had to travel to pick her up. I knew we did, but he wanted me to ask anyway.
This morning I emailed the agency and, of course, we would both have to travel. I had to find out then and there if Chet was going to say yes or no. I was tired of being in limbo. So, I prayed. "Lord...you know Chet's heart has to be in this for us to proceed. You're going to have to move him if you want us to do this. He'll move for You." I called Chet. He moved! He didn't sound upset or anything. He said we should go for it. I got off the phone and darted out the door to go and pick up my daughter at her job. I started crying in the car...especially when I turned on the radio and this song was playing. Tears of joy, of course, that we still had a chance. I just want...a chance. I was so boggled and confused just the night before, but the one thing that kept me going was, "Lord, show me what to do...Lord, show me what to do..." If it is not the Lord's will that we get her, then fine. I will live with that. Shut this door if you want it shut. I am just amazed at what He has done in just the past day! The money given can be used for our travel expenses. The adoption should be completely paid for by the grant. Oh, and did I mention that it turns out that our home study amendment is only going to cost $250 instead of $500?!!! Oh, and did I mention that our home study worker is coming out on Sunday afternoon to do the visitation because she, too, wants us to have "a chance?"
I'm already blessed beyond measure (even if we aren't chosen) by those who helped us to have "a chance." So now, I am dedicating this song to this day. I have, once again, been shown that God does hear me. He does listen to my prayers.